my first PIP assessment
original article from 2018 (before my diagnosis) about this drew 5k+ shares in a few weeks. the shocking negligence of atos is explained here in Disability News.
I recently tried to get help because I cry a n unnatural amount about my dogs (I lost 7 dogs at the same time and it makes me want to scoop my eyeballs out with spoons), I want to top myself and I hate the human race, I think I’m also slightly autistic in some way (undiagnosed because i keep getting abused) and hyper-sensitive to noise. I’m just generally mental I suppose you could call it. luckily help was at hand from PIP!
(I believe I was suffering from PTSD which I have managed to doggedly suppress now after about two years. the memories feel like hand grenades in my soul. i avoid them at all costs and quickly walk away from anyone who mentions dogs)
In the first line of the ten pages i wrote explaining my problems it says ‘ every time I ask for help I keep getting abused’ – and unfortunately this was no different. here’s the recording of me going to get help.
After i spent 3 days writing up a report of my lifes problems which could be summarised in an hour (lol) i asked them to come over to my house to see the soundproofing i built around my bed so I could show them i am hyper-sensitive to noise. I said I got anxious about things as well and generally didnt go out, they said they didn’t care and they wouldn’t come. ok fine. in order to make the appointment I had to stay up because i was so anxious about it. i sat and waited 11 hours watching shit on TV waiting for the appointment time, by the time it came I was knackered. took the 45 min bus ride, spending 50% of my net worth on that lol and when i arrived half hour early thinking i would have plenty of time for everything they said they wouldn’t be able to do the appointment for another 1 hour 15 minutes as they were running late. I sat there for an hour then asked – what’s going on. Well, you can hear the rest. I was abused, shown no compassion or respect whatsoever, was not even asked what my problems were.
Then when they tried to deny something they just said a minute previous I informed them I recorded it. They looked angry and told me that its illegal, despite recording me on CCTV at that very moment and every time I phone them without my permission. I phoned the police and asked them, they said its fine, its not illegal. It’s a civil matter if the person doesn’t like the recording being released. so whoever these people are – sue me if you dont like it – by the time you do it will already be plastered all over the internet and I’ve sent it out to everyone I know and twitter. so far its received over 1000 RT’s, many outraged comments from people and I have heard from so many people in the same position.
This whole thing was a big deal for me and many other people asking for help.
Atos are also deliberately lying about whether it is legal to record an assessment and that’s quite apart from the abject lack of compassion and negligence. When confronted with this on the phone (not recorded) they continued to assert it was illegal, despite me saying I just got off the phone asking the police about it.
I’m going to go with what the police told me at 13.29 on the 26th of October 2018 as the most accurate piece of information out of the two which seems reasonable to me.
here is the recording of the actual assessment:
IT IS NOT OK TO DOWNLOAD THIS!!! – this is personal enough as it is so here it stays nowhere else please ta.
I’m still trying to figure out what i actually got thrown out for and the complaint about the behaviour has not even been answered (update: almost one year later the complaint still has not been answered). When it had 5k+ shares I had a special person allocated to me, when I got overloaded with that account and deleted it, the person disappeared and they stopped answering my messages.
One person says I am confrontational, you can hear it and make up your own mind as to whether my calm questions are such. (that person was not present for the 2 minute interview and based that judgement on me asking ‘how long its going to be before someone sees me’ after missing their appointment time by an hour)
The other person says its the way I ‘presented’ myself. (that person was not present for the 2 minute interview) – I now realise what they were actually doing is asking me to stop being autistic in a place supposedly designed to help people with disabilities.
In the one place you might think you could let your anxiety actually out because you are with a supposed professional – nope! you’re not allowed to be mentally ill in a centre to assess mental illness. I knew it was bad but this is a whole nother level. The only thing i can think of is they were trying to get me out because they were behind schedule as mad as it sounds, or perhaps there is some secret directive ala the recent universal credit whistleblower.
at no point did anyone ask me what was the matter with me :(
I want to thank the pip consultation centre in Leeds for the wonderful experience of trying not to cry in front of all the old people on the 45 minute bus journey home.
You wonder how the hell they are equipped to deal with psychotic people who properly kick off if they start to freak out over my perfectly reasonable questions. tbh they sounded more mentally ill than me on the tape.
Finally, I will end this with the first paragraph of the semi-prophetic clump of paper I had in my pocket while the audio was recording. It’s a 10 page long description of my problems which I now realise they were completely uninterested in. oops got political at the end!