where the fuck have yer bin?

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Hola Puta’s! I’m back on the intercrap, I had a short (year) interlude in a corrupt central American country called Guatemala (I think it comes in a few places lower than the UK in the panama papers corruption chart) in order to blow up all my equipment and make it much harder to do music. that wasn’t the initial goal. I also had to take time off the internet to be ripped off by universal music group for another 5000 quid, on top of the million+ they and DRAP still owe me.


I have had some profound lessons since I last came on the internet. I have learned I’m incredibly naive for one. I came here because I needed somewhere quiet to work with enough space to set everything up and its important not to be disturbed. I couldn’t really find that in the UK and certainly couldn’t afford it, you know, cos of – to obtain that kinda quiet you have to be in a house out on its own, and they cost minimum around 800-1000 a month which I don’t have until the people stealing my money give it back, which may be never. I didn’t like UK politics and the way things are going there anyway so I started looking elsewhere. Somewhere I could afford to be an artist and have a nice life. Somewhere beautiful and preferably warm… So. I figured I would go to some buttfuck dirt poor country instead based on some vague recommendations from some bloke off the internet and the fact its warm here. This lead to about 12 months of pain culminating in me buying 25 10mg oxys, some anti-histamines and a bottle of rum. Needless to say I didn’t do them cos I’m writing this. I’ve now dedicated the rest of however long I live to getting these three dogs I met the fuck out of that shithole, even that seems ambitious really. In the meantime this site is stopping selling music, maybe I will sell some t-shirts with my face on so I can sell one to my mum later. This is because I am starting a band, so far I haven’t found anyone else worthy enough of being in it. I don’t let things like being homeless, penniless and having no other band members stop me though! These are minor irritations, actually there are some promising avenues for people to work with,

The bloke I met online is an alcoholic writer called Dylan Evans and a good laugh as long as you don’t ever have any actual dealings with him where you have to do anything other than drink and laugh. I think his kick in life is to get people to do what he wants them to do. manipulation. He had just written a book called ‘The Utopia Experiment’ – which in one way was a mass manipulation exercise. The whole idea of leaving the UK was my own utopia experiment, my search for tranquillity, so it kind of resonated. I clicked on some ad for it, got through to the website. The website had a bio of Dylan on there, he sounded quite interesting so I fired off an email to say hi and the rest, as they say, is utter disaster. I spent about 4 months getting me and everything I own here ( I didn’t realise how incredibly stressful it would be and how much everyone just blatantly lies and rips you off here) I couldn’t find the peace I was after and I blew several macs. I spent about 5k doing all that and a whole lot of time trying to make the mac work again because I couldn’t get the part for it. It was like a clusterfuck only with another cluster of fucks attached to it that happened to each house another fuck. I cant even begin to lay out the amount of incredible shit that happened that fucked me every step of the way. It was a Matryoshka doll of clusterfuck. Every step spawned another 15 yak shaving missions, at the end of it I decided that dog or the universe or whatever you want to call it really didn’t want me to make music. my friends who knew what happened said I should write a book about it, but I only have one mission I’m interested in, and one that makes me feel as though I am bettering myself. Writing is a cathartic exercise.

While this was going on Alex Paterson and Universal Music Group were fucking me and a very nice solicitor called Adam over for > 5k because they used copyrighted masters I own on their work without my permission (yes that doesn’t make any sense, that’s how the justice system works in case you’ve never encountered it before). The initial settlement offer was somewhere around 4k, and they claimed they earned 25k out of it (told em to go away and quadruple it). They then paid some fucking deaf guy called Peter Oxendale to lie about it and thus left me no choice but to spend even more than 5k on getting what’s mine. I couldn’t afford it and I was forced to abandon it (for now, I’m not done), that’s how it goes with these big companies, how this is ‘legal’ I have no idea, they clearly stole my IP from my label, and even admitted so individually, but because they realised they had backed themselves into a corner admitting they earned 25k out of my property, they had to do something. So. They paid a guy to lie basically. This was a calculated move on their part, it didn’t matter whether they had broken the law or not, they knew they had. The maddening thing is that this Peter Oxendale claimed that ‘no sample exists’ on the record AT ALL while at the same time advertising himself as some kind of expert in sound analysis!!!! As the song was not even a sample (the song was made by lifting 7 minutes from FFWD, an album i produced, wrote on and owned the record label for), I find this very very very very difficult to believe. so difficult in fact, that I don’t believe it. I have written to this fscking bitch ass Peter Oxendale demanding an explanation and the outcome will be posted here along with some other legal battle shit. If I don’t get a decent outcome I’m going to post what they did publicly with the audio so everyone will know what liars they are. After that, I still wont be done either.

As I have worked in music for about 25 years as a sound engineer, producer, sonic artist, sound mangler etc, I think I might know a thing or two about what is coming out of the speakers, especially when it is something I worked on! For example, when I have worked on something I know the audio I’ve worked on. I’ve listened to it round and round 1000 times. I only have to hear audio I’ve worked on for about 1 or 2 seconds to know I’ve worked on it, even shit from 20 years ago. My ears are very very fucking good, better than Peter fucking Oxendales thats for fucking sure. My ex-partner DRAP took a track from FFWD (an album we did with Fripp, altho DRAP did nothing on it) and took the entire guitar track from it and put some bleepy noises n stuff on top of it and called it another track. He got someone else to put a filter on some bits of it, but I laid the original alongside it and they didn’t even edit it, its the whole track as is. Outside of DRAP and UMGs heads this is called a remix, but UMG wanted to call it a sample, because that means they don’t have to shell out so much cash for DRAPs mistake. I say mistake, what I mean is blatant theft. In the end, as I say, they paid someone to lie for them and managed to get out of it for now. This is the way these cunts work.

This was only a very small case in a whole list of cases I have, which I was about to embark on to retain my honour and dignity. After I saw how easy it is for them to blatantly lie and get away with it, I knew the road ahead would be years of pain, so I thought fuck it, Patterson already forced me into 3 years of court battles in the mid 90’s and this would mean the percentage of my life taken up with his bullshit would actually be becoming quite substantial. I really would quite like MY money though.

So this is Lake Atitlan, Guatemala. I moved here for a while but found the people intolerable, and the place was so densely populated, its impossible to get away from everything without being rich. Nice lake though. 14 km wide. Orwell said its beauty eclipsed the Italian lakes. During the autumn the skies were fucking incredible. I would regularly run to the window to check the skies and that’s when the electric storms started too. It was like Gods Rave. The lightning would come very often, lighting up the three volcanoes each time. kinda eerie. I saw pyroclastic lighting hitting the top of the volcano, and on new years eve saw Fuego erupt like a motherfucker. It was like a flower of lava, fucking amazing. The feeling you get when you are standing near to a volcano erupting is interesting as well. It was a good few miles away, but still. If a cataclysmic Krakatoa type eruption had happened, then it wasn’t nearly far enough :)

So this whole mammoth and highly stressful effort moving from the UK, buying another mac in America and getting it down here so I could blow its power supply,  left me unable to work. at least I think that’s what it was. it could have been the dodgy graphics card I was using to upgrade it to yosemite. fuck nose. Why didn’t you have a surge protector you say. I did, but the surge protector (and voltage regulator) blew up and in the time that was going back to the shop the mac went. The rip off shop i bought it from claimed that the unit was tampered with and refused to replace it or even repair it for free (two weeks after i bought it, what a bunch of fucking cunts). They said this to purposefully rip me off, because who the fuck opens up a UPS to have a little tinker just after they bought it. There ain’t many mac repair places here, or at least not good ones less than 3 hours away so i attempted to fix it myself by ordering what i thought was the faulty part from America. the lack of another machine to test known good hardware makes it bloody difficult but after restarting it and resetting the SMC bollocks 2,394 times, i was vaguely to fairly confident that its the power supply. It wasnt but i had to borrow money to get a new power supply and pull a favour from a mate in the USA first to find that out. My mate sent it by USPS, and the package disappeared for several months.

Then, due to the kindness of Dj Rev Moon coupled with an act of dog, I had a laptop to borrow to continue my work while I figured out the tower bollocks. I had it two weeks before I came in the room to find the bin strewn all over the floor and my cake I was about to eat right in the dogs mouth. I freaked out and in the resulting chaos my leg knocked the table, and a small amount of beer on the mac. I had tissues on it in 1 second and upside down in 2. I was confident it would be fine and of course it wasn’t. it completely died. I had just done a clarinet session with some guy who was staying the next room in the hotel. heh. Ralph said he would get the computer and track back for me but he never did.

In the two weeks it was working, I did several tracks. one was an ambient thing I had already started in the UK and the other was a theremin solo using a bidule patch I made with harmonies. There was one other which never got done but its still there when I get another mac. I had planned on still releasing these without a mac, but by this point i was so bored with all the obstacles that i just thought. fuck this. dog doesn’t want me to do this here. I cant sum up all the obstacles here, but its a weird amount, like unnatural. This means I am not resonating with the universe, since coming back, its clear that the universe is being alright again and never wanted me there, could have said earlier universe.

so yeah sorry for the delay n that with my music, but I’m still trying to find the ideal place to work. because I’m slightly autistic I need certain things to thrive. peace and quiet being a major one. its turning out bloody difficult to find. Ill get it though.

» rant » where the fuck have yer bin?


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